Where do all those darn teaspoons go?

Stirring without a stirrer

Yes I knWhere do all those darn teaspoons go?ow. You are sitting there, nodding profusely. Thinking the same thing.  I mean I get the thing about missing socks; they come in pairs – eventually one of the socks decides that they’re not into a long-term commitment once freed from the plastic clips that held the relationship together for so long in the store.  But teaspoons; they’re different. They’re individuals from big families, nurtured and cared for by another (human) individual who simply appreciates them for what they are.

While the plight of homeowners everywhere may fall on deaf ears in therapeutic circles, those in the know have penned the universal dilemma:

A poem by Mike Michaels in the UK:

Missing Teaspoons

Missing Teaspoons

I’ve a sorry tale to tell 
Its a tale of loss and woe
Its a table top tragedy 
One you may already know

Yes, it’s very sad
But please, don’t shed a tear
It’s just that somehow, gradually
All my teaspoons disappear

So often I’ve come home brandishing
A gleaming carousel of tools for eating
Knowing that the smallest will soon be vanishing
And that my possession of them will be fleeting

I always start with six
Apparently that’s the number for a feast
And nothing seems amiss
For a month or two at least

Then without any kind of warning
They start to leave me one by one
Until I wake one morning 
To find that I have none

I can keep a whole set of knives
And forks present no problem
My dessert spoons have nine lives
But teaspoons? I always need more of them

I don’t know where they go
They’re all missing in action 
And it casts a gloomy shadow
On my scooping satisfaction

Now I know just what you’re thinking
It’s something round about: 
‘When he clears up after his tea drinking
He accidentally throws them out’
Well that’s not the root of my conundrum
I can say with certainty
You see the worst thing about my problem
Is that I never, ever drink tea

So perhaps my kitchen has a small black hole
That attracts only spoons meant for tea
Suddenly sucking them in and swallowing them whole
While ignoring all other cutlery

Or maybe my attic has a nocturnal creature
With a teaspoon predeliction
It’s habit having the fearsome feature
Of being my kitchen affliction 

I’ve sought them here, I’ve sought them there
I’ve sought my darned teaspoons everywhere
I’ve dowsed with rods, I’ve consulted runes
But still I am eluded by those Scarlet Pimperspoons

So should you ever see a hirsute man, rummaging about
Please, don’t label him a loon
It’s probably me, why not help me out? 
In my hunt for a missing teaspoon. 

Beautiful Mike. Just beautiful. Thanks!

Believe it or not but an actual scientific study was conducted in Australia a couple of years ago to investigate this matter in the workplace environment.  It makes sense, losing a teaspoon at home in the comfort of your own discretion you can really stir with just about anything I suppose. But, what do you do in front of colleagues or clients? Heaven forbid you start stirring your hourly cuppa with the back of a pen in front of your boss.

During their five month study 80% of the 70 teaspoons placed in a workplace went missing. It didn’t matter if they were better quality ones or not, they just went missing.  After telling the workplace staff about this study, five teaspoons were recovered. The others were not. Nobody knows where they are.

You can read the full study here.

Why this blog post? Why now? Well, I can offer some rational encouragement to homeowners globally by my recent experience on this matter.

We have been able to identify the cause and culprit behind our very own cutlery crime scene. Turns out my 2-year old has been throwing the teaspoons away WITH his empty yoghurt containers.  We celebrated briefly this morning when after hearing a distinct metal ‘clunk’ in the garbage bag and discovered 5 teaspoons lying lonely and afraid at the very bottom of the bag.

Be strong. Have faith. May your teaspoons also find their way back to you!

Some feedback to this blog from Twitter:



4 Replies to “Stirring without a stirrer”

  1. Hahahahah! Hilarious!
    De Beers had a fascinating way of dealing with disappearing work place teaspoons….they took the 3 that remained and drilled holes in them. Seriously. I mean, why would you bother to nick a teaspoon where the sugar pours out through the spoon and onto the worktop?
    Eventually someone figured out that 90% of the scooped sugar was missing the cup altogether and our holy, I mean holey, spoons were replaced with plastic ones. Genius.

  2. teaspoons vanish in my house too and I can’t blame a 2 year old, cause I don’t have one……I just hate it that I’m left with one or two from different sets. So we have twelve but they all different. I hate that. It’s a bit like the glass story 8 glasses, 1 chipped, 3 from old set, 4 from new set. Drives me insane!!

  3. Do you think it could be because of the weather? Maybe your spoons are summer kids and didn’t want to leave home during winter 🙂 Good luck!

  4. This is most definitely hilarious! Our teaspoons also disappeared a while ago. I bought another 12 and they seem to be sticking around. I’ve noticed my husband takes them to work in his travel mug, but they mostly come back.

    Such a strange phenomenon!

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