Born in January

This is not a post lamenting the economy-gifts or combined Christmas gifts that first month children have bemoaned since their birth. This is about the far more important matter of when January-borns were conceived. 

Being a “JB” myself I gave this some thought and am now going to enlighten you to share the load. 

If you were born in January you were conceived sometime between March and April. 

  1. It was likely to have been during cooler weather and your parents retreated to under the covers for physiological reasons other than what you would expect. The Northern Hemisphere is warming up but it’s still pretty miserable outside; the Southern Hemisphere cools down rapidly but you can still wear short pants on most days. 
  2. However, the weather at the time meant the lawn was being mowed. Your father was most probably shirtless. He knew exactly what he was doing. 
  3. There is a good chance that your parents were celebrating the Easter holidays in a pretty big way. The dry spell between Christmas and Easter holidays is a long stretch for most – your parents were apparently no exception to this. Alcohol may or may not have been involved. 
  4. Alcohol was definitely involved. You were the lucky splodge that made it out when most bonuses and salary increases are awarded the world over. There was most probably a celebratory meal the included wine and a fine scotch. If your old people lucked out then see the next point. 
  5. I’m sorry to tell you but your folks were pretty grim when you were conceived; according to the Google Misery Index (yes, it is a thing) that measures the times of the year we’re most depressed, anxious and stressed – February through April (and again September through November) show the highest search results for ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’ and ‘stress’. It seems that the human race are at breaking point by the end of April as a seemingly random Wednesday in late April may very well be the worst day of the year. Go hug your parents and remind them that you are technically their “Sunshine”; when they call out “Happiness” you should acknowledge this as your name. 
  6. It is also perfectly feasible that you were conceived on 1 April, April Fool’s Day. You should not be offended or upset by this if it is true for you as you were not the likely recipient of the prank. You played them well though by arriving later than the expected late December date. However, the saying “the jokes on you” will require some measure of composure if you have ended up with a life less desirable. Good luck. 

Your mum could have been slightly OCD if you are in the Northern Hemisphere. The weather at the time of birth has consequences – good and bad. There isn’t much sexiness and glam in giving birth in the summer heat and then having to nurse a baby that is seemingly melting onto your own body. If your mother’s third trimester coincided with the cooler months then she is likely to be known as an organizer, a manager or even a Tiger Mom. 

If we look back in history we see that both World Wars were in full swing in March and April; troops were deployed the world over … and in WW2 an attempted assasination of Adolf Hitler failed in March 1943. War is suitable reason for spikes in depression when people sought comfort from others loved ones. Time to check your age and read up on some history. 

If I recall correctly the war on Iraq also started in March…

The Peace Corps was also launched in a March month resulting in thousands of volunteers being deployed to undeveloped nations…

In my opinion, JB’s rule! The people you should spare a thought for are those born in September – Christmas family dinner will never be quite the same when you see your dad reach for that 4th glass of eggnog.  Perhaps that was the year their folks skipped midnight Mass and opted for Christmas morning Mass instead. 

Whichever month you were born in there is one undeniable truth; that nine months before your parents had unprotected sex. 

Happy birthday in advance to all of you!


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